Funny Side of the Story

MP3 Download Time

Tatay requested me to download MP3s for his new player. We were searching by artists then by song. I asked him, "Sino pa 'tay?"
"Bee Gees naman. Words," he answered.
I clicked 'Words' then asked, "Ok, Words, ano pa?"
"Word naman."
"Ho?" I asked, "Iba ba ang Words sa Word?"
"Yung it's only words and words are all I have..." he sang.
"Oho," I answered, "Words 'yun. Ano yung Word?"
"These word has lost its glory, let's start a brand new story..." he continued.
"Tay, World 'yun... Sa Words pa ring kanta."
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See also Taypod, Lolo's Birthday, Another OFW

Axe

After watching the Axe Commercials,  Nanay can’t help but ask, “Ano ba amoy nyang Axe na yan?”

I then asked, “Bakit ho?”

“Eh kasi parang hayok na hayok ang mga babae ‘pag naaamoy nila eh.”

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See also English for Two Weeks, Surprise Suitcase, Coke Commercial

Camel

Usual comment on my pre-departure built:     Orlee, tumataba ka.

My answer:     Storing fat for the desert.

Their answer:     Ano ka camel?

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See also Male Rape, Let's Beat Him, There's No Easy Way...

Fluids

I asked the teacher in ESS-South this morning, “Ma’am, after ko mag-donate ng dugo, pwede ba akong uminom ng alcohol after?”

“Ah, eh, ang alam ko dapat maraming fluids ang inumin n’yo. Oo, sir, pwede siguro.”

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See also Healthy Sisig Please?, Stool

No Difference

I planned to compile my family’s old (really old) pictures to create a picture book. Unfortunately, the shop that creates picture books need soft copies of pictures. I then decided to ask Aileen, my college classmate, to scan my old pictures. She agreed and told me to just drop the pictures on her computer shop.

Before dropping them off, I texted her, “Aileen, h’wag mo pagtatawanan yung mga luma kong pictures ha?”

She replied: “Kahit naman new pictures mo eh nakakatawa! Normal lang yun!”

See also Uninviting you in Advance 2, Motel Dasmarinas, SE4: Toilet Humor

Grand Entrance

One can’t help but reminisce when old friends reunite. Karol is, of course, not exempted from this. She talked about the time when the (DLSU-D) Chorale sang during the Regine Concert, back in ’98, Christmas on a High Note.

“Grabe talaga ‘yung kantang ‘yun. Imagine, pinasakay kami dun sa bus ng La Salle Dasma, yung de-hila yung bintana pataas. Yung kahoy! Yung parang bus papuntang Cavite City. Yuck talaga!,” she states.

“Teka! San ba yung kanta?” I then asked.

“Sa Westin Philippine Plaza!” she answers, “Ang baduy namin ‘di ba? Tapos, may nakasabay pa kaming ibang performer sa traffic. Naka-aircon sila! Talagang nagtalukbong kami ng mukha sa traffic!,” she continued while laughing.

“Yuck! Nakakahiya!” I laughed and commented.

“’Di lang ‘yun,” she paused, “Si Manong! Talagang si manong driver, gusto pang i-valet ang bus. Talagang napasigaw kaming lahat! ‘Manong! Dito na lang kami’, yung tipong malayo pa sa Westin, ‘dito na lang kami’. ’Kahit maglakad kami dito na lang kami bababa’. Kahit makita kaming naglalakad, huwag lang makitang nakasakay sa bus na ‘yun.

“At manong?” she concluded, “Dito n’yo rin kami pi-pik apin. Hindi po sa harap ng Hotel. Dito rin!”

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See also Idolizing the Dream Academy, Choral Karol, Coffee Party

Idolizing the Dream Academy

Karol, Nato (my good friends back in my DLSU-D Chorale Days) and I were talking about Pinoy Dream Academy and Pinoy Idol...

Karol: Pero, infairness, magaling naman ang mga contestant  ng PDA compared sa mga contestant ng Pinoy Idol.

Nato: Oo nga. Orlee, parang ikaw lang ang mga singer sa Pinoy Idol.

Orlee: Ba't di ka sumali, Nato? Sure win ka na 'dun.

Nato: Gagu.

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See also Classical R&B, DLSU-D Chorale Jeep Moments, Coffee Party

Uniform Allowance

I had a mini-reunion with my former BPI Bancassurance colleagues. May reminded me, “Orlee, naaalala mo pa ‘yung sapatos mo sa BPI?”

I just laughed so Jackie asked, “Bakit, May? Ano ‘yun?”

“Kasi, si Orlee kahit sira-sira na ‘yung sapatos n’ya , as in dumidila na ang sapatos, ‘di pa rin n’ya pinapalitan,” May explained, “eh ‘di ba may uniform allowance ang mga lalaki sa BPI? Kahit may uniform allowance, ‘di n’ya pinapaltan ang sapatos n’ya kasi wala naman daw shoe allowance.”

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See also Can I Talk to Your Boss?, Uninviting You in Advance 2, Christmas Necktie, Something New

Internet Confusion

“Tito, pa-internet?” Sam asked.

“O sige,” I answered, “Pero bawal ka sa taas. Nagpipintura (repaint job) duon, amoy pintura. H’wag mo ring ibaba ‘yung laptop, sa taas lang ‘yun.”

“NAAAY!” she exclaims.

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See also Mouse Potatoes, Sixteen Thousand, Excuse My Japanese

Classical R&B

Me-An was classically trained (She is a scholar, and the only Filipino, in Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts). She constantly reminds us the proper placement while singing. She also tells us where to get our voices and the proper breathing. When it was our turn to sing together in our Videoke Night in Bacolod, I decided, "Scrap that!"  I'll do my R&B Stuff. See these pictures:

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I especially liked her reaction on the last picture. It's as if she can't do anything about my singing style.

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See also This Conversation Happened Before, Gee Ann - Sani Wedding 3: Say What?

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Angel

My Bacolod trip was a memorable one. I especially loved our sidetrip to Mt. Kanlaon. It was a small forrest town with a beautiful preserved wildlife.

While trekking the hills (mountains?) of Patag, Negros Occidental, Mico looked at my back and screamed, "Angel!?"

I wondered if there was an apparition behind my back but when I looked back it was just this dog. That's what Mico get for watching too much Kapamilya Shows.

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See also Call Center Anecdote, La Vendetta, Bantay Salakay

Male Rape

On the speculations about Male Rape in Dubai, Freida advised me: "Orlee, mag-pa-pangit ka ng todo kasi ni-re-reyp sa Dubai ang mga gwapo."

I, aware of such news and constant reminders, sarcastically answered, “Oh my goodness! Ang hirap! Paano ko gagawin ‘yun? Ang hirap! Magpa-pangit? Saan ko uumpisahan? It’s really hard. So hard for me.”

Estela answered, “O-o (That’s how she calls me), madali lang for you. As in so easy. No effort at all. Wala ka ngang gagawin eh.”

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See Also Beware of Rapists, Gokongwei-Pe Speech Gone Wild, Crush-Me-A-Tarsier

This Conversation Happened Before

During our stay in Pagcor Hotel in Bacolod, on the fact that Me-an and Annie fights a lot, I talked to Annie with Mico, while Me-an was in the restroom.

Me: Nnie, alam mo parang lagi kayong nag-aaway ni Me-an. Para kasing madali s’yang mapikon. Kapag napipikon eh tumatahimik na.

Annie: Oo nga eh. Parang medyo lang naman. Sanay na rin kami sa isa’t isa.

Mico: Hay naku, Orlee, sanay na ako sa dalawang ‘yan. Ganyan lang naman sila pero madali ring magbati.

Me: ‘Yun nga eh. At least sanay na kayo, Nnie, sa isa’t isa. Kahit magkapikunan, madali naman magkabati. ‘Yun naman ang importante.

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After a few minutes, it was Annie’s turn in the restroom. I talked to Me-an with Mico still there.

Me: Mhe, alam mo parang lagi kayong nag-aaway ni Annie. Para kasing madali s’yang mapikon. Kapag napipikon eh tumatahimik na.

Me-an: Parang baliktad ata. Ako yata yung ganun!

Me: Oo nga kaya lang kapag galit na s’ya eh parang dere-deretso pa rin. Kahit tahimik ka na.

Mico: (laughs) Parang hindi ganyan ang narinig ko kanina?

Me-an: Medyo ganun kasi si Annie. Pag-napipikon na eh tumatahimik na.

Me: At least sanay na kayo sa isa’t isa. Kahit magkapikunan, madali namang magkabati. ‘Yun naman ang importante. Okay na ba ‘yun Mico?

Mico: (laughs) Oo, pwede na ‘yun.

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See also Call Center Anecdote, Inside the Mind of a Wacko

Call Center Anecdote

Mico, our friend that we recently visited in Bacolod who is also a call center manager, told us a story of one of his staff:

Caller:  I have a problem with my computer screen.

Agent: Yes, sir. What’s the problem?

Caller:  The screen seems to be upside down.

Agent: First thing, sir: What is the brand of your computer?

Caller:  DY.

Agent: DY? Sir, you mean Dell?

Caller: No, it’s DY.

Agent: (Realized that the client was talking about an upside down…) You mean HP? sir?

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See also FBM #16: How May I Help You?, Polly Levantino, Favorite Embarassing Moment

Another OFW

Tatay told me this morning, "Choy, Umalis na pala si Helen! Pupunta nang Taiwan. Ayaw na sa Pilipinas."

I asked, "Tay, sinong Helen?" because tatay sometimes just drops name from his side of the family that I do not know.

"Yung bagyo."

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See also Typhoon Frank Digital Festival, Remote Emote, One Week in Japan

One Confusing Bus Ride

Here’s the list of the important bus stops to work:

• Robinson’s Imus (where I get on the bus)
• Patindig Araw
• Silyas
• Golden City
• Salitran
• Dasmarinas Bayan
• SM Dasmarinas (where I get off for work)

In the bus to work this morning, I sat in the middle row of the bus. While being asked for my fare by the conductor, who was standing beside my seat, there was a guy who moved from his seat in the back row to the front row, the conductor then asked him, “Patindig Araw kayo?” while that guy was walking pass him.

The guy didn’t answer, so the conductor assumed that he was (getting off in Patindig Araw) since the next stop was it. So he screamed to the driver, “Oh! May Patindig Araw!”

The guy alarmed by the announcement answered, “Hindi ho! Silyas ho ako,” to the conductor.

Then a woman in the front row seemed to overhear the conversation and screamed, “Ay! Silyas na ho ba?!”

The conductor then answered, “Ay hindi pa po, Patindig Araw palang po.”

The driver overheard the words ‘Patindig Araw’ so he screamed, “May Patindig Araw!?”

The conductor then answered, "WALA!"

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See also If a Face Could Launch a Thousand Ships, Japanese Yawn, Something New

Can I Talk To Your Boss?

Francis Pizarro was one of my colleagues back in my BPI Bancassurance days. One time, he asked me, “Shet, Orlee, may kliyente ako gustong makausap yung boss ko, mukhang magrereklamo. Kausapin mo naman?”

“Ha!?” I, hesitated, “Baket ako? Dapat kay Sir Peter.”

“Eh magsusumbong lang eh, kunyari ikaw boss ko,” he begged.

“Tignan natin, Kiko. Sige ipasa mo,” I asked him to transfer it to my line.

After two rings I answered my phone, “BPI Bancassurance, how may I help you?”

“Hello, Sir?” the guy asked.

“Yes, sir,” I answered.

“Sino po ito?” he then asked.

“Si Orlee po ito, Sir.”

“Sir Orlee, i-re-report ko lang po si Francis Pizarro, medyo napakatagal po ng process ng issuance ng policy eh,” he reported.

“Ah ganun po ba, Sir? Ah eh. Oo nga sir eh. Pasensya na po,” I answered.

“Sir?” he asked, “Matanong ko lang po. Ano po ba tayo ni Francis?”

“Ah, sir, amm, kasamahan ko po si Francis dito,” I answered.

The client erupted.

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See also Bay Manila, Who's the Boss Again?, FBM #7: Wrong Call

Uninviting You in Advance 2

Maricar, my bestfriend, has big news: She's getting married on September 27th! I was the only person from college that she told this to so I asked her, "Pwede ko sabihin sa tropa na ikakasal ka na?"

"Oo naman," she answered, "Pero sabihin mo kay Aileen 'di s'ya invited. Kasi nung kasal n'ya 'di n'ya tayo in-invite na dalawa."

"Gantihan lang," she added.

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See also Uninviting You in Advance, Smoking Can Cause Blindness

There's No Easy Way To Break...

“Ha!? Mag-re-resign ka na?!” was Meynard’s, my boss, reaction to the line: “Boss, may apply ako sa Dubai, may job offer na, tinanggap ko na.”

After getting the details about my future employment, he told me, “That’s good, Orlee. That’s for your growth,” then he stared blankly and said “Shet. Pucha. Shet.”

After hearing these words, I apologized, “Boss, sorry ha? Pasensya ka na...”

“Ah hindi, Orlee, problema ko ‘to. Don't worry,” he replied, “Alam na ba nina Warren? Noel? Bambi?” he added.

“Yes, sir,” I answered, “Alam na nilang lahat, ikaw na lang ang hindi nakakaalam.”

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See also In Ten Years, Surprise Suitcase, Bowldedara

English for Two Weeks

Learning that Kuya Mark, my American Brother-in-Law, will be visiting for two weeks, nanay screamed, "Two days nga lang, dumudugo na ang ilong ko, paano pa kaya kung TWO WEEKS?!"

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See also Nosebleed Extravaganza, Surprise Suitcase